Tuesday, October 17, 2006


A conviction is a badge of honour...

"Young man, can I just say what a pleasure it is to hear an offender admit his crime and be responsible for his own actions...and you'd like to pay the victim £500 for the value of his car that you stole from the side of the road, put onto your scrap metal lorry and took to the scrap yard without asking?"
"erm yeah."
"My victim, "Mr HARDWORKING BLOKE" will be very pleased to hear this. Do you mind if I phone him and tell him?"
"Please do. I am sorry for the trouble I have caused and I fully admit this crime. I want to pay the money back to hardworking bloke for the value of the car I stole"

"Hello Hardworking bloke, General here...just ringing with some good news really...I locked up fat scrap metal thief bloke and guess what? he admitted the offence on interview and even better...he wants to pay you the money back, for the value of your car which he sold for scrap. I'm fucking ace aren't I?"

"Gen. I'm astounded. You are truly a fuckin top detective bloke. You managed to crack this young man with your interrogation skills and stealthy cop style?"
"well..erm..yes of course...well.. that and the kid just coughed it there and then because he has never been in trouble with the police before and he was a bit scared"
"amazing. And he wants to give me 500 nicker too?"
"yep. Shall I set up a meeting so that the kid can truly purge his soul and face you the victim? You could also put a face to the crime and be less worried?"
"Gen, thats a great idea. I thought I'd get nothing. You are a top boy."
"Erm, Mr Hardworking bloke, It ain't over till the fat lady is in the corner belting out some tunes and you have the queens in your grubby scratcher"
"General, what the fuck does that mean?"

"There's no way that kid is gonna pay the bloke General, you've been blagged pal" says juice boy as he confidently swigs from his Robinsons bottle.
"Juice boy, au contrere my son, this is a done deal. I have arranged for both lads to come in on Wednesday night, the deal is done, the lad gets cautioned, everyone is happy. No need for conditional caution, charges and that, we are all happy."
"You are trying to broker a deal between two parties, one of which only has one brain cell."
"Fok off Juice boy before I punch your chin off...you skinny juice drinkin fuc"
"no Gen. I didn't mean you, I meant scrap metal boy. He's thick...Oh and I just saw him drive away in a van which belongs to aggressive rough diamond scrap metal bloke."
"Oh no."

Aggressive rough diamond scrap metal bloke will now be referred to as ARD SMB because it takes too long to type. He is referred to as such due to the fact that he has a twinkly blue eyed gaze, which has a nasty streak to it. He goes from jovial banter to aggressive bastard very very quickly. He has a rough diamond image and gives it the chatter all the time. But he would steal your old nans false teeth if he had the chance and I fuckin loathe him. I have an idea that the feeling is mutual.

Fat scrap metal thief bloke is exactly as it says on the tin. But he has never been in trouble with us before and he is 18. I liked him.

Wednesday. 1830hrs. The nick.
Ring Ring..."General, its the kindly front office lady here, you have two gentlemen here asking for you...I should also tell you that ARD SMB is here too, grinning from ear to ear. He just asked me if I wanted to buy a Ford Escort off him for a monkey. General, whats a monkey?"
"Kindly front office lady, tell the gentlemen to take a seat. A monkey is a hairy primate which lives in the jungles of the rain forest and sometimes in south American countries. Can you tell the gent known as ARD SMB to fuck off home for me please?(I only thought that bit)"

Juice boy sat there, writing, with a smug look on his young skinny boat. "told yer"
I wondered if I threw my pen hard enough at him whether the ball point could actually pierce his skin. I thought better of it because he would have cried.

"Hello Gents. Thankyou for coming, please come this way..."
"DC Gen'ral I want my representative to come too, he is my boss called ARD SMB.He has the money too."
"O.K. Hello ARD SMB, long time no see..."
"I know. Thankfully."

"So lads, lets get this done. This is the victim, Mr HARD WORKING BLOKE. HWB meet SMTB, he wants to pay you the money for stealing your car."

"He aint paying the money until you rip up the caution. You seized his car which he has to pay for to get back from the police pound and you are givin 'im a criminal record. So fuck you, we aint paying £500 quid to no-one. We will pay £200, thats it. Oh and you gotta pay for 'is car to be released as well."
"Look ARD SMB I am not negotiating with you. You are not involved in this case and I can tell you that I will not be paying for your associates car to be released."
"Your man aint 'avin 'is money then"
"Please leave the Police station ARD SMB, your presence is not welcome here."
"Look SMTB. A caution is not a criminal conviction, despite what your idiot friend has told you."
"I'm not signing it"

"I'm really sorry Mr HARD WORKING BLOKE. It wasn't meant to be like this"
"It's ok Gen, I understand. Ring me when it's sorted."

"Hello, SMTB, this is the conditional cautioning PC here...before I start the meeting with the CPS, are you agreeing to pay the victim his £500?"
"No Fuck him. My mate ARD SMB, says don't pay nuffin' because you are giving me a criminal record and there's nuffin in it for me"
"CPS says if you don't then you will be charged"
"fuck them too. charge me then."

1800hrs. Day of charge.
"Young scrap metal thief bloke, you were such a nice lad when we first met, now you have turned into this seasoned ciminal kid with a bad attitude.I think it's because you are with ARD SMB. You were eligible for a caution but now, congratulations, you are walking out of the nick with a charge. You are acting like it is a certificate of achievement. And because you admitted it on interview, you will be convicted. Then you can wear your conviction like a badge of honour."

I'm afraid we may have lost this one. And I was annoyed about it.I was annoyed that the pull of the older criminal, worked better than the sense of an honest cop. I want to keep the bad ones to the bad side and the good ones to the good side, but I was annoyed that I had lost a good kid. The trouble now is that I believe in the balance of things, so I am looking for a score to settle, one to bring back to the good side so to speak. To even things up and restore the status quo.

Juice boy smiled. I shook his hand. I wrote up my pocket book, my mind thinking of the poor end to a good job.

"Don't worry Gen. He will come. He's on our list. Can I make you a cup of tea or shall we go and get a bag of chips?"

"Chips sound good kid. Lets go, it's your shout."

Why even bother getting involved in negotiations like that?
General I commend your efforts, but I have fallen foul of this type of deal making in the past and have been well and truly shafted.
Better to just complete the MG19 and send the little twat to court.
I disagree with the two above. At least you tried and its that feeling of having given it a go that you take with you...Having said that it's hard to even try knowing how easily kids get influenced by the bad ones and choose to ignore the good ones.

Nice to see you back here.
Uncle. I get involved in shit like this because I have a genuine desire to see my victims come out happy. My victim works a 10 hour day in the plumbing trade. He has a wife, a baby under two and a 3 week old newborn. He is a genuinely hard working nice bloke. I always try and get the best for all the victims I deal with and I want to try and get the shit to admit their mistakes. Sometimes I haven't enough evidence and we smile as I let them walk out the nick. But the other times, I have overwhelming evidence against some and they still never take responsibility for their crimes. In my experience, kit is only ever the honest good folk who get in the shit, who ADMIT their wrongdoing and purge their souls. But I do like the fact that you have asked me why I bother. And I like Southwests acknowledgement and BAWPC's encouragement. I got shafted yeah, but I will remember that for the future. cheers troops.
Good on you for trying General! Shame the little bastard has fallen in with bigger, more experienced shits. Hope he gets what's due to him.
Good to see you back General!
"The Dogs Day Came" and i'm sure you'll get ARD SMB soon, I just hope when his day does come, CPS decide to charge :)
Hi Intelligence

The wrong 'uns always come back again!

Just catching up with my blog roll list. You're now on my right hand link bar.

Blues And Twos
Busy again, I presume?
Burning the midnight oil?
I've been on lates so I haven't had time to post, sorry. and when I haven't been working, I've been ironing...or sleeping. Managed to get out on the lash on Sat nite with me dad. That was good :>)
I had a similar jpob some time ago. I told the toerag that I would be submitting a prosecuting file and if the money was paid back before he went to court then that would be mentioned as part of the plea of mitigation. If it wans't, he could go down.
Surprisingly, the money was paid.
Anyway, if you agree to an arrangement such as you mentioned, doesn't it become a civil debt and out of your juurisdiction?
Anonymous, the answer to your question is possibly. But, recent new legislation allows to administer a conditional caution. Thats a caution but with CODITIONS attached to it. The condition I would have requested and in fact ended up requesting was 1, pay the victim £500. 2, Do not get arrested for any other criminal offence for 12 months. So, if he AGREED to accept the terms of the Conditional Caution, if he gets arrested whilst the 12 months is in force, then he gets charged for breaching the conditional caution, similarly if he doesn't pay the victim the money, he gets charged and we apply for a compensation order, which sadly, is what we had to do in this case. I won't ever do this again though and I was trying to help the victim which is how it should be I feel.
It would be nice to think that when he went to the Mags, they ordered him to pay £500 compensation. But that will never happen, as the courts always look after the defendant and never the victim in this type of case.
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